epic it was...

I can tell you, with absolute certainty, the only reason I decided to go to Bronx on Friday night was to satisfy the whims of Jannie. Recently back from the ships, he was a man on a mission. Had it not been for the two and a half hours spent faffing around my house, we would have gone to Claremont, and there is no way we would have had that much fun. Claremont, this much fun. Bronx THIS much fun. Claremont, this much fun | |. Bronx, THIS much fun | |!

We obviously didn’t have our faculties totally together when the decision to go to Bronx was made. That was the result of a visit to S&E’s that was supposed to be innocent. But arriving with a 1,5l bottle of wine, a quartz of Hunters and one of Brutal Fruit, innocence was doomed.

I should have known there would be nothing standard about the night when what turned out to be a drug dealer approached us and Jannie proceeded to have a long conversation with the Nigerian bloke about absolutely nothing in particular. Once inside the club, and had found the dancefloor upstairs, things went downhill. It was Jannie’s idea to take off our shirts, which was not uncommon in the club, and hit the dancefloor.

We started tentatively, just unbuttoning our shirts, but after the tequila, it all came off! Like the shirts, we started dancing tentatively, wary of what was around us. Again, Jannie instigated the grinding. There we were, the subjects of much attention already, two straight men posing as partners, going full on, crotch to crotch, on the dancefloor! And we weren’t holding back!

Where we had found an unattended space to dance, we were suddenly enveloped by men who’s eyes left no doubt as to what they were thinking. But we carried on unabated. A few of these blokes, if they can be called that, sneaked a grab here and there, and eventually weren’t even bothered to sneak anything in.

In Jannie’s absence to purchase drinks, I was proposed by a few gentlemen to an unscrupulous rendezvous in the bathroom, another offered to drive me home, and a young lad was trying to convince me I would be better off long-term with him rather than Jannie. I was relieved when he returned wielding our drinks, because to carry on, I would need a lot!

At this point, there weren’t any available girls to approach, so we had to make do. Jannie wasn’t doing too badly either, engaging in a deep conversation with a guy who wanted to go home with him. But not to the stranger’s home, where his sleeping wife kids would probably cause an awkward situation.

We had been dancing for hours before we realised that a few girls had stealthily made their way into the club. Jannie was first to set the marker, and I played wingman while he tried to pick up the one gorgeous girl. I had my suspicions about the girl I was babysitting, which were confirmed after a while of Jannie making out with his subject and coming over to me to ask if the girls were working the club. It had seemed too easy.

So I moved further down the dancefloor, ignoring the butt-squeezes, to a blondie. This time, it was Jannie’s turn to play wingman. The cover story, which I had to improvise on the spot, was Jannie was gay, I was his straight friend, and I was taking him out because he had very recently broken up with his boyfriend. Jannie wasn’t too impressed, which I blamed on the bastard taking his CD collection, but it worked like a charm!

At this stage, my legs were giving in, because we had been dancing for no less than 3 hours. To my dismay, I lost the girl I was talking to, and presumed she had gone home before I could at least get her number. Jannie had moved on to another girl, and I was stood there looking lonely with the wolves converging.

I was saved by the blonde, who came from nowhere, and we chatted away, which was really me waiting for Jannie to get a piece of action so we could fuck off home. I mean, it was almost 6am! We finally decided to call it a day, but Jannie had this idea of sleeping on the beach (!), acknowledging the possibility of getting mugged or raped, or even both. Nonetheless, I entertained his latest whim, only to reach a beach which was not even visible due to heavy mist!

I wasn’t complaining though, and we took the long drive home in earnest, hitting the bed, or sofa in my case, at a lively 07h30.

It definitely ranked up there as one of the craziest nights, of which there have been plenty, but it was epic!